Bashing my head

  I’m so piss off.. this could be MyLove’s last day at work. Just days before Christmas and days before bills that total more than our income are due. Mmmm.. should I buy presents or just hold on to this paycheck.

  Just pisses me off that I didn’t save as well as I should have. By the way, I control the finances in the house. He gives me paycheck I pay the bills, but they spend the money. Like.. ‘oh lets go out to eat’.. oh ‘I need this’.. blah same BS every Friday that’s payday. I have not gotten me anything in the past 10 years, the things that are mine are used and the things that are my hobby has been put off and just sitting in the dust waiting for free time.

  Yes we are one of those living paycheck to paycheck. In this short month, we’ve lost food stamps (which was helping us eat and cook healthier), medical insurance for all in household, and possibly a job. Mind you we still owe for some of August rent since we had to skip out on it to attend mother in law’s funeral out of state.

Hours later….

  So Jeff called on his way home and let me know he still has his job until at least the end of January. Which means I must pick up the slack and start being more wise about money.

  Growing up I didn’t have a great role model in financing. So I’m going into this new, this whole saving and being wise with money. But I’m good at what I’ve been doing. So my ass… I got to get it moving to understanding the seriousness of saving.

  Boy, a thing like this actually ruins my whole day… and on top of that I slept in till 9am. The last time I did that I must’ve been in college!!! So I didn’t get anything done but a load of dishes in the dishwasher.

  Christmas is just a few more days. I have not gotten any presents. On top of that my student loans and insurance are through the roof! #1 is growing up fast, she is 10 now, going on 14 with an attitude! But she’s fashionable. At the moment she wants to be a fashion designer so she has asked for a sewing machine, my sister got her one so now I need to go find some good scissors and a gift card for fabric. I found a real awesome book called ‘One-Yard Wonders 101 sewing projects ‘ by Rebecca Yaker & Patricia Hoskins. iHanna’s blog writes a nice review of this book, http://www.ihanna.nu/blog/?p=1073.

  #2 is just 5 years old. Its a lot easier to buy for the younger ones. They are happy with anything! Baby dolls, what else!

  Our tree is up and stockings are hung with care, presents are wrapped from relatives afar and all that’s left is plan for a meal.

The beginning

            Why did I start a blog….. Well, guess I got tired of being a lonely SAHM (stay at home mom) that I needed a friend. Well, just some adult conversation really.  So I figured why not a blog, I can write my feelings, thoughts about the what’s happening around the world, my opinions on different subjects and just pour out whatever is hiding in me.

            So as I already told you I am a SAHM for 10 ½ years now. So yes my entire adult life I have been a SAHM. My husband and I met at work and have been together ever since. No we are not legally married but after 12 years I think we have a right to be husband and wife, legally or not. After all there is common law marriages. Our story actually starts out with a typical title ‘good girl meets bad boy’.              

          We worked at a small car wash and just as any small workplace/town, rumor gets around quick. Well, at that time, long ago in another life for me, I did drugs. Yes I tried cocaine. Well, it was a VERY brief period of my life, as I never let it control my life. For that reason, the family that I was living with kicked me out. Not legal family but family. So word got around at the car wash and MyLove happened to not have a place either, he asked if we could get together to find a place to live, help us out. Let me remind you, I was alone, after being kicked out I had to live in my car in a town I had just moved into a month earlier and barely 21. So of course I jumped into MyLove’s help so we could split the cost of things. Friends with benefits ended up in a 12 year relationship! At first, believe it or not, I was scared of MyLove. He’s a big dude and 10 years older than me. But he turned out to be a teddy bear, mind you though still a bad boy.

            Yes we did drugs for the first year of our relationship but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped cold turkey. I think that’s one of the great things about me, I have strong will if I need it, such as quitting the dope and cigarettes.            

            We traveled and ended up in Mississippi and had our first daughter (who I will call #1, for 1^st daughter) in 2000. She changed my life around and getting out of the drug world. I went straight from freely single, to meeting my soul mate, doping around, to having my 1^st kid all before I was 22. MyLove was what I call, in mid-life crisis since we had #1. First, he was into skateboarding, well I mean he’s been athletic his whole life, motorcycles, skateboarding, mountain biking, hockey, hill-climbing, so its not like this whole sport thing was new BUT it hasn’t stopped!!! So first skateboarding, then inline hockey (big difference from his ice hockey experience), then off road motorcycles, dessert motorcycle racing, pool playing, fishing, you know what I’m not going on. But you get my drift. But I’m still here with him no matter what he’s doing and where we are. I say that because we have moved around A LOT, in our 12 years together.

            Texas, we met.

            Fla., to meet his parents.

            MS., 2 ½  yrs before Katrina took our house by the beach.

            CA, where dessert racing began.

            TX, again with the in-laws.

            ID, why, I don’t know but daughter #2 was born!

            CO, where I have always wanted to live.